Jitters

Flying at thirty thousand feet, sitting in my economy seat, thinking about my destination, I get the jitters. Was it a terrible mistake to sign up for this? Do I still have an option to back out? Why the heck did I choose this over the comfort of my cozy couch?! I want to go back home! A solo trip to an unknown country was all fun and exciting when planning it. It was in fact a long time dream, and I was so looking forward to the trip earlier. But inside my head, half way through the flight, things went for a toss.

What is this place again? Iceland? Yeah sure, from the photos it looks all dreamy with dramatic landscapes and all that. But half the people I spoke to about the trip didn’t know where on earth Iceland was, or worse, very confidently mistook it for Ireland or Greenland! You know what that means? No, not that they suck at geography (I mean yes they do but that’s not my concern) –  it means that if I happen to not return then half the people would not know where exactly I perished! When time comes for me to leave this world I don’t want to go away like a Malaysian airplane! Although on a serious note my actual concern was something else. Just a few blog reads and a few Youtube videos and I thought I can go to this unknown land all by myself – and I realized I hardly did any research about the crime rate, the healthcare system, the local language, the road rules, or the shady areas to avoid. What if I meet with a car accident? What if I have a medical emergency? What if I get abducted? Or worse – what if I get killed? What if I don’t get to see my family ever again? Speaking of which, my parents have no clue that I’m going on a solo trip! Man, I’m so not ready for this trip! I should’ve gone some other time when I’m more mentally prepared.

Wait a minute, I’ve had this feeling before, these jitters are very familiar.

Flashback to 2014 – flying at thirteen thousand feet, sitting in the ten-seater plane, looking outside the window, I get the jitters. Was it a terrible mistake to sign up for this? Do I still have an option to back out? If only I could teleport to my bed back home and snuggle under the warm comforter right now! Skydiving was an adventure that was in my bucket list for a long time. I was so excited when my friends told me about this plan the day before, and I had said yes without a second thought. But inside my head, minutes before the jump, things went for a toss.

Jumping off a flying plane? Well there’s this unbeatable adrenaline rush, and you’re strapped to a professional tandem skydiver and all that. But imagine the jump going wrong – for someone who feared heights all his life, death by gravity is not really the most favorite way to die. Sure, a statistic showed that the chances of encountering a skydiving accident are much lower than that of encountering a car accident – and I happily came here to put my life in the hands of this random dude and his parachute. But what if the parachute doesn’t open? What if I permanently break my legs or spine? Or worse – what if I die? What if I don’t get to see my family ever again? Speaking of which, once again, as you would’ve guessed, my parents have no clue that I’m going skydiving! Man, I’m so not ready for this. I should’ve gone some other time when I’m more mentally prepared.

Cut to the present-day flight. While these thoughts were haunting me, in front of me was playing one of the best animated movies of last year – Spiderman: Into the Spider-verse.

This is a multi-verse where different versions of Spiderman exist in alternate dimensions. Now Miles Morales who is the new Spiderman in the current dimension has to step up to the challenge of taking on a mighty super villain. Although his superpowers are sketchy and not so much under his control, but still desperate to save the world he asks his mentor Peter Parker – “When will I know I’m ready?” To which Peter says –

“You won’t! It’s a leap of faith.

That’s all it is – a leap of faith!”

And those words echoed loud and clear inside my head.

 

Leap of faith it was – when I had jumped off that plane door, and what followed was the most exhilarating five minutes ever of my life.  And as I landed intact on my feet the satisfaction of overcoming my fear of heights took over – I looked back and thanked myself for taking that leap.

Leap of faith it was – as Miles Morales finds himself in control of his powers and fears, puts up a heroic fight and destroys the villain like a true badass. And as he saves the world and the multiverse, the new hero looks back and thanks himself for taking that leap.

Leap of faith it was – as I continued my flight journey with optimism to the land of ice and fire. Seven days in the pristine nature, miles after miles of breathtaking landscapes, one epic road trip adventure and tons of memories later – now when I look back I thank myself again for taking that leap.